This is a public safety message from a guy that doesn't really fucking care about your safety. Did you know that approximately 440,000 people are killed each year in toilet related deaths? Diseases such as diarrhea and dysentery -- caused by food and water contaminated with excrement -- are the second-biggest killer of children worldwide, causing 5,000 deaths a day, five times the number dying from HIV/AIDS. Where is the public outcry?? From my own private research, I have discovered that if we don't stop crapping soon, the entire world will end. Just kidding, the world will be just fine, we just wont be alive anymore. 
As you can see from my graph that I made with limited research, pooping kills more people than smoking, airplanes, and jerking it combined. They have banned smoking in most bars and restaurants, banned on planes, and you can't smoke in any government buildings. However, it is perfectly legal to poop in all of these places. Why isn't the federal government stepping in to stop this silent killer?!?! I am calling for a nationwide ban on shit, more shit-talking, and a government appointment of a Smart Ass. The Smart Ass while be secretary of the Fecal, handling the government legislature of safe pooping. Next time you make a grumpy, think about the consequences. It could be the last thing you do, just look at Elvis. 
This is a picture I saw today that made me think of who would take over the world when poop kills us all.
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